iCrucified

I withdrew (resigned; “stepped down;” left) from the church plant yesterday. The day before that, I quit my job as it was eroding my soul and consuming most of my waking hours and not contributing much in the way of completing the mission of God to which I have been called. I am now jobless (Laurie continues with her employment, so we are not completely destitute… yet) and without a local church family. At first glance, this circumstance is a little disconcerting (well, ok…with second and third glances it is disconcerting too), but I have recourse…I trust and believe the Most High God. Because of this trust, my hope is complete and my confidence is renewed. I know that my Father leads me and loves me; I know my Father has prepared good works for me to participate in that will bring glory to Him and lead people into His eternal kingdom. Moments of suffering and seasons of sadness are the preparation of tilled soil for “faith seeds” that will bring a harvest of righteousness and glory for the Savior King. My prayer is this will be true in my life and no moment lived from my life will be in vain for my Lord.

People will ask and legitimately wonder what the reasoning is for my actions asking, “Why are you leaving the church plant?” My response is that I am trusting the leading of my heart which I believe is inhabited by the Spirit of God. For whatever reason, I do not feel “at home in my soul.” When we headed out to Washington, it was with a crystal clear vision that God had inscribed upon my heart. At this juncture, I have not realized the manifestation of that vision… or a solid move in the direction of building that vision. To the credit of my church planting partners, they do not necessarily wholly agree with my assessment. They are wonderful, supportive, godly men and I respect and love them dearly; however, I am unable to communicate my heart and vision to them in such a way that I feel understood. Inasmuch as that is the case, I feel that I am not in the right place and I am answering the call to move on. Maybe I am wrong. I will still trust God. I have had a difficult time in explaining my choices to my partners and my inability to adequately communicate my thoughts has been frustrating and humbling, but I  will hold fast to what I believe I must do and trust God in the midst of it all. I realize I haven’t offered a complete explanation for my resignation, but at this juncture it is the best I can do. I shoulder the responsibility for my choices and my actions, ultimately answering to God for them. I believe with everything in me that I am doing what I must… even though I do not know where I am going, I truly believe I am following God.

Trusting God…

A second question I anticipate will be; “So, what are you going to do?” My answer is, “I don’t know.” I’m trying to find another job and we’ll probably continue to visit area churches as we did before we started having services with the church plant… but in the big picture, what we will do is unknown for the moment. I’ll trust God for that answer and that direction. I suppose to a lot of people it sounds as though I have lost my ever-loving mind and gone completely off the deep-end of irresponsibility. Maybe that is true. We’ll see. All I know to do is to live the convictions of my heart. I can either trust what I sense is the Spirit of God within me or choose a more sensible and safer route. When I decided to live my life completely for Jesus I decided that I would hold nothing back, that I would learn what it meant to live a life crucified in Christ (Galatians 2:20). I am doing that. If I look like a fool to the world around me, then so be it. If I lose everything materially that I have in this world, so be it. If my dignity, credibility, and status in society is completely erased, so be it. It is not that I don’t care about these things… I do, but I care more about living wholly unto my convictions about what the Word of God is speaking to my soul. So, at the end of the day, I might be crazy. I may have lost my mind. I may not be “interpreting the signs” very well. Ok. Fair enough. We’ll see. I’m in all the way, over my head, crazy in love with Jesus and where He leads me I will follow. No questions. The mission phrase for my Free Methodist Church this year is Live the Story, Tell the Story; my answer is… Ok. I’m in.

Naked, Humbled, and Yelling At Walls

I have consoled myself with reflecting on some of the more prominent examples of absurdity from Scripture and remember that God asked Noah to build an Ark because He was going to destroy mankind (Genesis 6:14),  Abraham was asked by God to sacrifice (murder) his own son… the son God Himself had promised him (Genesis 22:2), Moses, a single man, was sent to confront the most powerful nation on earth (Egypt) and lead several million people out of slavery (Exodus 3:10), Joshua was sent to destroy and take over a city by shouting and yelling at its walls (Joshua 6:5). He believed God, shouted, and the walls came down, Gideon was sent to take on an army so great “their camels numbered like grains of sand on the seashore—too many to count” with only 300 men (Judges 7:12), Ezekiel was instructed by God to lay on his side(s) for over 14 months to provide a visual aid for a rebellious people (Ezekiel 4:4-6), God instructed Isaiah to walk through the city naked…for three years (Isaiah 20:2), and there are other examples, but these are prominent in my memory. This is to say, perhaps I am crazy…maybe not, time will tell as it did for these prophets and other men of God. At the end of the day, I know that I love the God who has saved my soul, named Jesus, and there is nothing that stands between He and I. My conscience is clear, so I must obey what I feel I am being led to do. I might be following in good company regardless of how absurd it seems now.

I want to assure those of you who have supported us in our decision to move that we still need your prayerful support. Our vision has not changed, our certitude of conviction to do what we believe God has called us to do has not changed. Quite honestly, this is the reason for our latest decision. So, it is with humility we ask for your continued support and prayers. We need them now as much (or more) than we ever have. Additionally, please keep Dan, Matt, and the family of Trinity Community Church in your prayers as they transition through this change.