iCrucified

[09AUGUST2011]

Monastic Notes (Pt.22—July 14^th 2011)

(Continuing to share my experiences at the Pecos Monastery: writings from my journal; June 19^th – July 17^th 2011…)

(Pecos: Day 25—July 14^th 2011)

Lectures:

Today our lectures (actually lecture) came from Fr. Sam Davies. I mentioned him the other day in my journal when I had a couple of my belongings “blessed” by him. The topic of his talk today was “Healing the Family Tree,” but it was not what I expected from the title. I don’t know if it was just me or if everyone was latching on to the central theme of “healing” coming from forgiveness, but this is what I heard in a major way. The notes I took were not verbatim, but more of an interpretation of what I heard coming from Father Sam. The heading and notes in my journal are outlined as follows:

Forgiveness—Forgiveness—Forgiveness

1. Jesus is the source of all healing and all healing begins with forgiveness
2. God’s Kingdom is a matter of forgiveness (Matthew 18:21-35)
3. The prayer that Jesus taught his disciples (Our Father) includes indefinite and infinite forgiveness
4. Jesus insists on forgiveness. He is fully experienced in His forgiveness extended to us by His death on the cross
5. The verdict we pass to others, we pass to ourselves. If we pass unforgiveness, we will be not be forgiven. Likewise, if we pass forgiveness, we will be forgiven.
6. Unforgiveness unleashes torture on us and others (fear, loathing, anxiety, depression, self-hatred, etc.)
7. Forgiveness is divine, because it is first a work of God toward us and second, it is a work of God through us
8. Forgiveness comes through the ministry of the Holy Spirit
9. Forgiveness cannot be defined (or redefined) to mean a lack of hostility. Forgiveness embraces, reconciles, restores, and re-establishes love. It is truly loving mercy and cannot be redefined as anything less
10. True mercy has no strings attached…mercy with strings is not mercy at all
11. Confession is a non-negotiable if you want to get rid of the “soul trash” we are so want to accumulate

Father Sam’s lecture included much more than the above mentioned points, but these wonderful points on healing through forgiveness were the binding elements of the entire talk. A few more quotes from Fr. Sam that I found really insightful  follow:

“If you are not aware God has done something, He may not have…”

“Lord, help me to love immensely and intensely.”

“What is impossible can become HIM-possible…”

Father Samuel Davies

Personal Reflections and Recollections:

My Bible reading this morning had me studying the Book of 1 Samuel 28:3-20 (Saul summons Samuel through the Witch of Endor—check it from Biblegateway here). My thoughts follow:

(1 Samuel 28:3-7)

This passage starts off with all kinds of wrong. It begins by telling us that Saul had expelled the mediums and wizards in the land, but as soon as he asks his servants to help him find one (medium or wizard) they know the exact address and location of a witch??? Seriously? Can we talk about fidelity and trust for a moment? Here are some people who are the closest to Saul in all the kingdom. They know he was trying to rid the kingdom of sorcery and those practicing it, but they know there are still mediums and wizards who remain and seemingly under protection.

The actions of Saul reveal his “fickleness” and double-mindedness when it comes to his relationship with God. Better said, I believe it reveals the true heart of Saul.

(1 Samuel 28:5-7)

We can only assume, from Scripture, but it seems that the character of God is to welcome true repentance and sincerity of heart (an example is the repentance of Manasseh, the most evil king of all Israel 2 Chronicles 33:1-20). So, if Saul’s heart had been pure with full desire to trust God, perhaps God may have relented…we don’t know the answer to this, but we do know as soon as “impatient” Saul doesn’t “hear” from God—he forges ahead taking matters into his own hands and enacting his plan pursuing “what seems right” to him. This attitude was the reason the kingdom was stripped from him in the first place and it seems that Saul never learns the lesson nor turns (repents) to another way. Sad. How many of us fall into these same destructive habits?

(1 Samuel 28:8)

“…So Saul disguised himself.” I think so much could be said about this, I don’t even know where to begin. We (humanity) do this, disguising ourselves, in our sin and we do it in our “partially committed” relationships with God. Only in completely “naked and unashamed” relationships are we free to not disguise ourselves… we are, after all, “naked” then and need no covering or “disguise.”

(1 Samuel 28:10)

So Saul exalts himself above God by granting impunity to the witch of Endor—”no harm will come to you for participating in sorcery.” How can he say this? Only if he assumes authority over the person and precepts of God can he make such a promise to the sorceress.

(1 Samuel 28:15-20)

The evidence of how far Saul misses the mark in his understanding and fear of God is shown in his actions and confession to Samuel. He says; “God isn’t talking to me anymore…” Samuel responds; “So, why do you ask me?” Samuel then goes on to explain to Saul that his own stubborn disobedience (which he continues to reveal) is the reason for God’s silence. The greatest tragedy of this entire narrative is that Saul never ever truly repents or has a real change of heart.

A concluding thought about Saul, Repentance, and “us”…

Repentance is not an intellectual decision. Repentance begins or is birthed in the heart. Repentance moves from the heart and wills the intellect to action. The heart moves the will to action and the result are fruits of repentance being exhibited in the life of the repentant soul.

Repentance that comes from the intellect will not turn the heart; therefore, intellectual repentance is not repentance at all. This type of “false” repentance results in hardness of heart and deluded conscience. It reveals the lack of surrender of self. This is most obvious in times of crisis when the self reverts to “survival mode” exhibiting the most primal attitudes in exhibitions of “survival of the fittest” and “fight or flight” behaviors.

Repentance is the ultimate act of surrender to the Person and will of God.